Shop More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconshattered-writer: More from Shattered-Writer


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
April 26, 2013
Submitted with
Sta.sh Writer
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
155
Favourites
3 (who?)
Comments
6
×
Have you ever felt like you were living for a purpose you haven't found yet? A larger cause that you weren't aware of? Dante felt that way. He felt like that all the time. Seventeen and out of the house was a lot and it changed a guy. He had to become more athletic to survive. Smarter to get around. But, sometimes it just wasn't enough. Losing your mother and now the world was his. When he lost his mom he saw it as a chance to leave his local city and set out. He didn't know where he was going, he just knew he wasn't going to stay home and mope. He had nothing but the clothes on his back and what little knowledge of nature he had.

Dante was a tall boy. About 5'11, he had dark complexion, brown eyes, and a nice head of black hair that hung just below his ears. It's been about three weeks since he's left home so his build has went from slender to slightly muscular. Nothing too impressive. Yet. Currently, he had on a pair of jeans, some low grade sneakers, and a thin red shirt. No backpack. He clearly wasn't thinking when he left home that day was he? But that's what the abuse of a mother will do to you.Cloud your thoughts and make you do some rash things. Those rash decisions would cost him though.

Instead of being a bum on the streets he decided to take to the forest since he thought he would have more of a chance to survive there. Food was dependent on your ability to hunt while shelter was either found or made. He drifted rather then settling down since protecting your base of operation took a little more effort then just sleeping wherever your body would drop. Not only that it was better to eat a varied diet rather then dwindling the population of animals in one certain area. Where was he going? Once again, he didn't know but there were sometimes he thought he was going to die. 

Like right now. How were you supposed to physically overpower a Lion? If someone could answer that for Dante then he'd appreciate it.Apparently he was hunting in it’s territory. Running was useless so he made a narrow headed decision to stay and fight. Look where that got him. There was one on top of him and he was barely holding it off with nothing but a stick. His clothes had rips in them thanks to this ferocious beast clawing at him. It ruined his favorite shirt....well, his only shirt. Even though he was staring death in the face he had one smart remark left in him" I know I taste good but isn't there a deer you should be chasing?". Luckily for him there was help nearby. A blue glow outlined the Lion as he was slowly being lifted off Dante.The young man sat up and kept his brown eyes on the beast. His brown iris'panned and scanned his environment, looking for his savior. The lion, easily one may add, was tossed into the bushes and took his chance to retreat. Finally, the distressed Teenager saw his rescuer. A hooded man in a long blue robe. It had multiple insignias upon it and almost looked like it belonged to some sort of cult or order.Rising to his feet and dusting himself off, Dante decided it best to thank this man while keeping his distance."I....uh...Thanks? I guess if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have survived." This man had an interesting response. No part of his face could be seen. But by the sound of his voice he was decrepit. " You are one of us. Come with me young one." said the mysterious man." Whoa whoa whoa, although she isn't around anymore, my mom taught me to never trust strangers!" Dante retorted quickly before the man raised his left hand to silence him. " I did save your life. You at least owe me the respect of hearing me out." 

Well....He couldn't argue with that. A sigh escaped his lips as he directed his steps to follow the path this man was leading him upon. Not a word was spoken as the two individuals walked through the forest. Animals stared at them along the way. With the silence in the air Dante could basically hear the blood vessels pumping through his ears. Thank goodness  they finally arrived at their/his destination. " My name is Lecs. Welcome to the village of Monachus.",the old man finally introduced himself. This surely was a whole lot to think about. Why did this man decide to lead Dante here?"So,why did you bring me here?" Dante asked, raising a brow regardless of the fact he now knew the man's name. He got an unexpected response. "You have the gift, just as I do Dante. But, the gift occurs naturally within you. Unlike most who must obtain it through years of meditation." Dante was beginning to get creeped out. " The gift? And how do you know my name?!" This man began to walk forth again. He expected Dante to follow now that his curiosity had peaked. And as he predicted the young adolescent did. He ran after him actually. Lecs led him to the tallest building in the village. Instead of a door it had a large drape with Lecs' robe design on it. Lecs held the drape open for Dante, the surprised boy stopped to behold the sight inside: A large gathering of...robed men. They were all sitting up perched in seats in three large rows, each bigger the last.

"What is all of this!?" Lecs turned his head to him and he offered him no explanation. Only a command." Enter." Lecs told him simply, Dante deciding to go ahead and walk in. In the middle of all these men was a circle of candles. Dante stopped in front of the circle of candles, Lecs stepping in after him and offering his voice to the rest of the men in the room. " Fellow Monachus, I have brought forth the one infused with the gift." Dante wanted to ask what was going on but he knew Lecs would ignore him. He simply rolled his eyes and waited for one of the men to respond. And they did. But not in a way he'd ever imagine." Place him in the middle of the candles. We must unlock his potential immediately to divert the oncoming disaster." They all said in unison. Lecs pointed towards the circle of candles, Dante simply stepping forward. He let out a huff and shrugged his shoulders." Now what?" He asked, actually interested in what this "Gift" was. Lecs held up both of his hands, his arms and hands now visible outside of the robes." Meditate." Tilting his head in confusion Dante decided to ask.
" Why?" Lecs answered straight forward this time " It will help make things go faster."

" Whatever you say." he agreed to do it and sat down, crossing his legs and closing his eyes. As he began to meditate, the men around him began to glow blue and they chanted one word together in a mysterious language."Sune.Sune. Sune." slowly Dante began to float. Now they decided to change their word." Dimitte. Dimitte.Dimitte." They said, now holding their hands out towards Dante, as he started to glow just like them.His eyes tightened as he didn't want to open them and ruin whatever was being done to him. As one, everyone yelled as their energy was being transferred to Dante. "SCIATIS!" They all yelled, Dante finally opening his eyes and releasing a burst of this mysterious blue energy. Lecs saw this was happening and at first thought it was too much for him but, he saw Dante trying to control himself. Now standing, Dante stared around the room, his entire body was glowing and his eyes were a nice hugh of ocean blue. What did they do to him exactly? He didn't have long to wonder since another burst of energy was on the way. Dante held his chest in pain, slowly falling to his knees as his glow intensified. Lecs knew what was going to happen." Everyone,take cover immediately!" He said, getting ready to take refuge himself but, unfortunately, Dante had released his energy before many people could take refuge. The resulting explosion of "energy" consumed the entire building.
The first chapter of my first story.

I decided that if I'm going to write, might as well post it officially hm? :3

Don't leave without commenting :shakefist: Oh and watch me for more

[link] Chapter 2

[link] Chapter 3

[link] Chapter 4

[link] Chapter 5

Update: Revision done. Look out for the rewritten version
Add a Comment:
 
:iconerinyoukai:
erinyoukai Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hmm... some of the formatting/grammar seems to be a bit off... but I do like where you're going with this. One thing that I'd suggest is rather than outright describing Dante's appearance, you could do it more subtly. That'll make the piece flow more smoothly and improve the overall quality I believe. Also, I'd almost want the story in more of a first person point of view rather than a third person. That way, we could see everything that Dante's feeling, empathize more with him, and see how he perceives everything in greater detail. Something I'd also add in is a bit more description in setting up the scene, as in describing his surroundings, remembering that in order to achieve a more realistic feel, one should incorporate senses such as scents, noises, and perhaps feelings like the wind moving through his hair, rather than just sight. But as a first attempt for writing a story, you're doing reasonably well, much better than many. :)
Reply
:iconshattered-writer:
Shattered-Writer Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, For Chapter's 1&2 I didn't format them very well nor did I sit down and go over it before I pressed submit. :eager: Which is why I love Chapter three. Took me a couple of days to look it over and finally decide to submit.
Reply
Flagged as Spam
:iconshattered-writer:
Shattered-Writer Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
What is this....Tallenge you speak of? o.o
Reply
Flagged as Spam
:iconshattered-writer:
Shattered-Writer Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'll sleep on it. Thanks! ^^

-Ink Insanity
Reply
Add a Comment: